Dreaming...

Frankfort, Kentucky is home to Kentucky State University - a predominantly African-American school, the majority of who's students come from very large cities out of state. It is not unusual for these young adults to feel very out of place in a "small town" like Frankfort. This is a feeling that is not helped by the fact that Frankfort tends to ignore the university that has been a part of it's community since 1887.

I went to college at Campbellsville University where the tiny town of Campbellsville, KY revolved around the rapidly growing campus. The churches in the area offered college age Sunday School classes and worship services and several of the restaurants as well as the movie theater offered student discounts.

Frankfort is anything but a college town. Most churches in the area would be shocked and unprepared if the students of KSU came for a visit and there isn't a single restaurant in town that I know of that offers them a discount. In many ways KSU's campus is treated like a leper colony by many of Frankfort's natives. We give it a wide berth and we don't intermingle. Jokes are made and we move on.

I want to change this! It has been put on my heart to reach out to the students of KSU. Regardless of who you are or where you come from, college is a stressful time, full of lifestyle changes and new people. The transition is made easier when there are comfortable place to relax, hang out with friends and meet new people. I have a dream to open a coffee shop close to campus that offers student discounts and caters to the college crowd with free wi-fi and comfy couches and tables for studying. I'd also like to have live entertainment, including open mic nights, from time to time.

There are just a few problems with my plan. I know nothing about owning my own business, I know nothing about coffee, other than that I like it, and I have no money. Starting a business is expensive, not to mention however much it costs to go to barista school to learn how to make the coffee I'd be selling.

Obviously this is a dream that has a reality very far into the future, but I keep praying that if this is part of God's plan for me, that he will make a way for it to happen.



My friend, Elisabeth. KSU's first white homecoming queen!



What's wrong with my brain?!?

Why does it seem like whenever I think I'm getting my life organized and on track, I find 50 different things that have to be done that I've forgotten about? Today alone, I found two bills that are overdue, one of which I thought I had already mailed, but had actually gotten shoved under the seat of my husband's car. I'm not horribly unorganized and I've been working to be better, but lately, it seems like no matter what I do, I will always forget something. And it's usually something important. I feel like a failure for not being able to even remember a few bills.

The sad thing is, my crazy forgetfulness is also affecting random aspects of my daily life. During the power-outage, I was determined to take a drink of Mike's Mountain Dew, while my Dr. Pepper (which is what I really wanted) was sitting directly in front of me. I don't know how many times I reached for that can that was extra far away. And I can't seem to keep myself on top of things at work. Yesterday, I asked a co-worker to keep an eye on the register while I went to the bathroom, but I took my StaffCard with me so she couldn't make any transactions until I returned. And the crowning glory? I recently squirted contact solution on my toothbrush. Really? What is wrong with my brain?!?

Always on my mind...

Those of you that know me well probably know that I've recently been bitten by the baby bug, but I'm really not sure that anyone knows the extent to which this little bug has been ravaging my heart. Mike and I are very sensible. We don't make much money and we live in a less than ideal location for raising a family. We have decided not to even think about children until I have a full time job and we are able to move into a more stable and suitable living situation. But all of this reasoning and logic doesn't stop my heart from aching when I see a newborn or from being jealous of my 18 year old co-worker who found herself unexpectedly pregnant. I am not jealous of the struggles she will have, but I cannot help but be saddened to think that her irresponsibility has given her something that I long for, but am too responsible to go after.

I have so many wonderful kids in my life already - my awesome nephew, Preston; and Caroline, who hangs out with me every day, and who, even as she sits here smearing peanut butter all over her face, melts my heart. I will be an aunt again in April, and then again in August (though not biologically). I say that I am content to live vicariously through these little ones until Mike and I are ready, but it's just not true. If it were up to me, we'd be ready now. I feel ready now. I know that I will be a wonderful mother and Mike will be an excellent father, and, regardless of our situations, we would give our child the best life possible.

It is a comfort, but also a struggle, to remind myself that my satisfaction should not come from my situations in this life, but from my Savior who provides for my every need. I know that I should be satisfied, but I'm not. I am praying each day that God strengthens my faith and gives me His peace.

Are my feeling irrational? Or am I over-reacting to normals feelings for a married woman my age?

The way of the future!

Mike and I have joined the ranks of the techonologically elite. We are officially iPhone users! Hooray for a new toy to play with! Even though they are not cheap, I am hoping that it will actually help me keep a better hold on our finances. Let's see if I can successfully use my new budgeting app. At any rate, I'm thankful that I didn't have to deal with a phone with a broken display for very long and that my husband will now be able to use his phone at work.

New Beginnings

So, I thought I'd give this blog thing a try. It's a new year, why not start something new?

I can't say I'm sad to see 2010 go. Like every year, it had it's ups and downs. Mike and I started our marriage living in a beautiful 2 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath apartment in downtown Lawrenceburg. When we first signed the lease we couldn't stop talking about what a bargain it was, but by the start of 2010 I was unemployed and we were putting at least $200 on our credit card each month just to stay afloat. In April we moved from my dream apartment in a nice area to a tiny 1 bedroom house in one of the worst areas of Frankfort with no inside doors except for the one on the tiny bathroom. And while we don't feel unsafe in our new neighbor, we did inherit some neighbors I could do without. It gets really easy to feel sorry for myself when I look at things this way.

But 2010 wasn't all bad. While I don't always love our living situation, we pay very low rent for a stand-alone house with a fenced in backyard that our awesome puppy Oscar loves. This past year, I went from being unemployed to having two jobs. During the school year I am an in-home nanny for the most beautiful and amazing little girl in the world, Caroline Martin. I've fallen madly in love and am firmly wrapped around her finger. In the evenings and on weekends I work at Gatti's Pizza. Sometimes it stinks to think that I went to college for 4 years and now make minimum wage at a pizza place, but they gave me a job when no one else would so I have to be grateful for that. We also took the big step to cut up our credit card after finishing Financial Peace University. It's great to know that we don't have to rely on it anymore and that the temptation isn't even there. We're slowly but surely getting rid of our debt and learning to spend responsibly.

The absolute highlight of the year was celebrating the first of many wedding anniversaries with my awesome husband, Mike. We didn't have much money to celebrate with, but we spent a wonderful evening reflecting on how fast the year had gone and all of the great things we had enjoyed about being married.

We've also become parents! Pet parents, anyway. In Cctober of '09 we adopted Oscar - the coolest and craziest puppy in the world. He's my baby and I spoil him rotten. Then in July of '10 I found a tiny stray kitten and brought him home. Unfortunately, he was sick and didn't live very long. Oscar was very sad to have lost his friend so we decided to adopt another kitten who we named Tesla. At first he absolutely hated Oscar and we weren't sure that it would work out, but now they're best buds who love to wrestle and play. They bring a lot of joy and tons of laughter to our home.

I'm excited to see what God has in store for me in 2011 and am already making positive changes to make myself healthy and happy for this new year!